Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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