She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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