After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
