Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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