I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
