and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
