I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
