Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
