mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
