I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
