you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
