When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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