Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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