Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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