I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize