you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
