69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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