Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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