the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
