U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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