If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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