never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
