so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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