Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
