Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize