woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
