Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
