you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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