He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
