Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
