Umm I'm too high to move.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
