This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
