ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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