K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize