ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
