I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
