Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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