I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
