Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
