we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize