her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
