Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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