Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize