as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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