Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
