dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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