he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
