you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
