Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
