probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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