Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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