And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
