Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
