Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
