so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
