I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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