Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
