go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
