also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
