I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize