I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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