fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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