I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
