I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
