I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
