Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
