so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
