9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
