She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
sex in a hospital.. check
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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