There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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