Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
