i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
