Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
MIDGETS
????
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
