are you still at the devil's house?
Sry I called you an 8
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
