I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
