I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
