tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
