then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
