I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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