and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's Friday. Sex?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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