I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
