Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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