why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
