I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
