so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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