I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
