I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
