I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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