I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
