people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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