Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
