I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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