my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
