so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
