Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
