it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
