How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So many bounce houses so little time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
