I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
