i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
even my farts smell like vagina
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
