if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize