apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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