Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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