She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
