good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
