I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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