Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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